“These NFL players are excited about the Fantasy season as they vie for your draft selection”

I’m feeling much happier these days. In fact, my grin is somewhat wider than the gulf in talent between the Miami Heat and the Cleveland Caveliers. Why is this so, you ask? Well, simply put, I just saved a whole bunch of money on my car insurance by switching to Geico! Seriously folks, football is back, and that also means fantasy drafts are right around the corner.

Now don’t underestimate my reason for glee. Making it through the 6-month-long offseason is no easy task for someone like me. Even regular fixes of The NFL Network, NFL.com, and the various fantasy football sites I visit cannot ever substitute for the real thing – a live football game. So you can only begin to imagine my euphoric state as we enter the NFL preseason, not to mention the serious preparation in line for the upcoming fantasy season.

So how do we fantasy aficionados get ready for the 2010 campaign? Here’s a laundry list:

1. End any serious relationship with any and all significant others you may have (except if you’re married, really love her, or need her to pitch in for your league entry fees).

2. If you’re not strong enough to take my advice on No. 1 (or just think it’s a bad idea), then tape each and every NFL preseason game which is aired on the NFL Network (65 in all). This strategy will earn you points with your Honey, when you tell her that you’re missing a game as a compromise to accompany her on some lame birthday event. This will come in handy during the regular season, during which you must never miss live action.

3. Check the weekly schedule for all games which may interfere with an upcoming non-football event, so that your Honey is fully on notice. You may not receive any sex for several days – or weeks – after this disclosure, but believe me, it’s well worth it (commensurately, bolster your existing porn collection).

4. Make sure you have at least two (2) fresh laptop batteries so that you don’t ever lose power when checking on live updates on how your fantasy team is doing while fanatically viewing 8 games simultaneously playing at your local sports bar, which incidentally must be equipped with Wi-Fi, or attended by at least 10 other owners of laptops so that you may ask each of them, ad nauseam, to check your own league for updates.

5. Sign up for every conceivable mobile application offering all sorts of statistical data on players, sorted by position, projections, social security numbers, arrest records, next of kin, and of course, nickname updates.

6. If you don’t have the DirecTV “NFL Sunday Ticket” because you 1) don’t have DirecTV, 2) cannot obtain a NW exposure for your dish, or 3) your condo association disallows mounting of dishes on the balcony even after numerous litigation attempts to compel a change in this mindless policy, then find a friend who has the Ticket or scour your area for a Wi-Fi equipped sports bar that serves good hot wings.

7. If you cannot access DirecTV, or worse, you are a heretic and will not go to a local sports bar to watch each and every game from 1pm to 7pm every Sunday, then you must subscribe to the “Red Zone” offered exclusively on the NFL Network. This channel will substitute for your ever having to watch a local or satellite Sunday broadcast of a game (assuming you have laptop firmly in front of you). Instead, you will be able to watch intermittent, live look-ins at games so that you are constantly updated on all the action important to you – or someone else’s fantasy team.

8. Make a steadfast list of friends you can call on Sunday morning at least 1 hour before kickoff so that you can compare injury announcements you receive on TV broadcasts of CBS, Fox and ESPN, along with online updates. Your friends should be prepared to drop whatever they are doing with their families on a Sunday morning just to attend to your questions about whether to start a 3rd string WR or bench a backup QB, or pick up a kicker from the waiver wire. After all, these are life-and-death decisions, and you will not sleep the night before unless you know your friend will indeed take your call.

These are just some of the items that I believe are important to preparing oneself for the fantasy season. If you can think of others, please post them in your comments (Baby: Nos. 1 – 3 are just items I post on this blog to educate people with wives/girlfriends who aren’t as understanding as you are. So disregard them; they don’t apply to you).

That’s all for now.

by: Eric Miller – Sports / Fantasy Football Contributor
Follow Eric Miller on Twitter @footballnutsy

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